Searching calmness in life -thoughts 1

I realized that in order to attained calmness in life you need
1) purpose in life- understanding what you are doing
2) safe and basic needs met
3) understand and tackle childhood trauma
4) reject false idols/believe and be yourself/follow truth
5) love and belonging - by significant loved ones and neutral or liked (not excessively) to strangers
6) bad people exist, and sadly, only few good ones exist

Purpose in life

People who understand how understand what he is doing, do it calmly

Example : an expert doctor. whatever problems with the patient, he calmly do the necessary steps without panic. not like junior doctors who become anxious when they dont know what the diagnosis and what they should do.

So same as life.

You need purpose in life.

And this purpose, guides you what you do everyday.

This purpose should
1. will not decay / waste when you die
2. not bound to happiness (as this might be impossible to some people like quadriplegic people / people fighting stage 4 cancer)
3. not bound to age/ energy -  valid even if u r teenager, adult or old man
4. not bound beauty - as beauty decays
5. not bound to other people / impress other people
6. not bound to wealth - can be practices when you are poor
7. not bound to feelings - it is must be something solid, does not change based on your emotion state

Some people achieve this by religion, some by experience / personal believe etc

Safe and basic needs met

You need to live, thus you need safe place to live, eat, drink

Understand and tackle childhood trauma


I realized that what you preoccupied most during childhood or teenagers, will be carry on until you are an adult and sometimes you do the extreme. (we are talking about extreme compensation and constant show off)

Example. A kid/teen that is not fat nor thin... when they grow older, unlikely give a damn about their body shape.... a fat kid who feel pressurized.. went to gym.. attained a body builder body will constantly show off media social with his body shape
same as poor kids.. if they have been teased and when they grow older and has the opportunity to get rich, they feel pressurized to get more and more and show off

question is.. if they feel calm... do you need to show off to strangers? normal people are not comfortable to share their private life in social media. so when these compensate their traumatic childhood in extreme ways...and preoccuppied to show off.. it shows they are not calm.

example of traumatic childhood event and compensation
poor... show off richness
bad social academic.... wanted to go further2 study (and feel pressurized by it)
ugly... extreme make up and surgery and show off / pornography addiction
social rejection / bullied.... bully subordinates / bad mouth other people / use of vulgar words / domestic violence / shows he/she soooo happy/ molesting-sexual harassment
not fit... show off six pack/body etc (compensating power)


so in order to tackle this-> aim normal (normal is good) and beyond that, it just bonus and dont do something beyong that expecting for other people to worship you (coz this later will give u pressure to maintain it). do becoz u like it.
aim normal as it is social acceptance as it social standard.

Reject false idols/believe and be yourself/follow truth

I have a friend, he, same as me, a degree holder. our wages is upper middle class.

however, he is not calm because he is 'just' a degree holder, where I feel okay with it.

he dont want to attain master (as it is hard and it is not what he wants) but he feels the need to do it because his that told him 'if u dont have a master, you are failure'. and noticed that his father always give advice like if you are not no1, you going to fail in life etc (catastrophing) since chilhood

despite knowing his father is false,despite he is living okay with his wages, he refused to accept that he can be successful just with just a degree....he is now reading books, memorizing stuff for his father.. not for himself... and feel not calm

u see, when we are kids, we are vulnarable to lots of ideas... sometimes we are implanted with wrong ones..so as we grow older, dont be afraid to reject those ideas, be yourself and follow truth

THEY ASK ME TO LISTEN TO OLD PEOPLE
BUT PROBLEM IS,
STUPID PEOPLE GROW OLD TOO

We also bombared with 'false idols' like rockstarts etc... yes in 30 minutes show they may seem happy and succesful... but do they really feel that way? I mean you just see 30 minutes... a very small portion of it... and if they are happy and calm, why do they need alcohol and drugs to calm them down? some even commit suicide, why? and why do they need to sell their body in movies if they feel comfortable with their private lives - why the attention and why you are selling your body for money?

Yes they may be happy than you about 10% etc...but this you cant exactly know how much, so stop thinking about it. they may even has worse problem than you. Believe me, i have seen it.


Love and belonging

An 8 months old baby only feel happy with very few people he/she sees frequently and treat him/her in a good way.. when give to other people, he/she will has stranger anxiety

it shows that by default : we dont give a damn about others, we only give a damn about our close ones

so when someone tries to go beyond... abandoning family members / society and go to some stranger society... it shows they actually dont feel belong and may be feel rejected...

if u are from bad society jumping to a good one = good
if u are from good society jumping to  a better one = good
if u are from bad/good society jumping to a weirder/destructive society = you are doomed and it shows you are desperate for belonging. a wrecked heart wants destruction and this is how terrorist identify people to be recruit

rule :
1) you only need few quality people that love and support you unconditionally, accept your weakness and enjoy to be with you
2) you don't need 'fans'. neutral to other people is the best, so you dont feel uncomfortable being watched and gossip about.
3) you need a fair amount of good friends

bad people exist, and sadly, only few good ones exist

there are a lot of group of people, some clearly define themselves some not... and they flock together

lazy people will mix with lazy people
alcoholic will mix with alcoholic
average iq people mix with average iq people etc

1) most people are okay/acceptable
2) some people are bad - sadist, psychopath etc- thus learn to make you safe and avoid them and their place
3) but only few ones can bring you to higher success in life / guide you (or help each other) to become a better person everyday.. choose this small group of people

Kenali Perasaan : Dengki (Hasad) Kebaikan dan Keburukan

Dengki adalah perasaan tidak puas hati terhadap sesuatu pihak (individu atau kumpulan) ke atas kelebihan yang mereka miliki.

Ia adalah sesuatu yang dilahirkan (blue print) dan normal ke atas semua manusia normal. Sekiranya anda mempunyai perasaan ini, anda normal. Cuma yang memainkan peranan adalah cara bagaimana kita handle perasaan tersebut. Adakah anda akan gunakan ia sebagai perasangan untuk melakukan suesuatu positif, atau menggunakan untuk tujuan kehancuran.

Kenapa perasaan ini terjadi? Kerana manusia adalah makluk social yang berteraskan KEADILAN. Manusia hidup berkumpulan, oleh itu susah dan senang harus dikongsi bersama.. dari aspek kemewahan, sosial, kuasa, kecantikan dsb. Sekiranya salah satu mempunyai kelebihan, dia harus berkongsi dengan ahli kumpulan lain.

Even sesetangah haiwan, seperti monyet dibawah (yg mempunyai otak yg mempunyai konsep keadilan sosial) mempunyai perasaan dengki seperti di video di bawah :

Masalah terjadi apabila
a) benda yang didengki tidak dapat dikongsi bersama - seperti kepandaian, kecantikan, kekayaan peribadi, keluarga bahagia

b) perbezaan pendapat tentang konsep 'adil'. Contoh : Ali seorang cikgu. Dia dapat menerima gaji dia rendah daripada doktor kerana doktor padanya telah berusaha keras. Namun Ali tidak puas hati dengan Zam, seorang ahli politik, bergaji besar kerana beranggapan Zam tidak layak kerana dia adalah ahli politik tidur. Namun Zam pula beranggapan dia patut dibayar mahal kerana dia dipilih rakyat dan pada dia, dia sedang melakukan kerja

contoh lain : Ali dan Abu berjiran... Abu mempunyai keluarga bahagia.. Ali pula mengalami keretakan keluarga... Ali dengki terhadap Abu kerana Ali rasa 'tidak adil' dia menderita dan Abu bahagia.. Jadi Ali pada masa sama cuba meretakkan keluarga Abu.

c) personaliti seseorang itu sendiri - dari pengamatan saya, orang yg
- mudah rasa tercabar,
- kompetitif, tidak boleh lihat orang lain lebih.. dia yg harus lebih dari orang lain
- calculatif atau
- terlalu mementingkan pembahaguin adil tanpa compromi (tanpa melihat faktor2 lain),
- melihat dunia dalam black and white dan bukan gray..... 
cenderung untuk dengki

Kebukan dan cara mengatasinya
a) jika ia sesuatu yang tidak didapat dikongsi, pendenngki akan menyalurkan tenaga dia untuk melenyakan nikmat itu dari seseorang yang didengki. ini termasuk memukul, menyebar fitnah, memboikot, dsb
-> cara atasi :
i) terima dunia ini ada yang tidak adil : ada yang kaya, ada yang pandai, ada yang cantik... nikmat itu dikurniakan tuhan secara nasib.. there is nothing you can do, life is like that... dan kadang2 org yg didengki itu mempunyai kelebihan 1 in a million.. which means they are not normal as others

ii) puji kelebihan mereka.jangan benci/marah mereka., they are not your enemies. when you puji them, they will be nice to you... train your brain to turn it into something positif,

b) jangan terlalu black and white.. ya mereka mungkin mempunyai kelebihan dari segi kepandaian.. namun tak semestinya mereka bagus dalam sukan, social dsb.. sama juga dgn rupawan... mungkin mereka tak sepandai anda

dan anda juga harus faham, pendapat anda mungkin tidak mencerminkan realiti.. anda mungkin rasa dia tidak layak, namun hakikatnya, mungkin juga dia layak...

melainkan dia mula menggunakan kelebihan dia sehingga merosakkan / menjahanamkan orang lain / kepentingan masyarakat (tamak).. ini harus ditentang

c) jika ia masalah personaliti... kenali diri.. mungkin anda pelik kenapa orang sekeliling tidak merasa seperti anda rasa? sekiranya demikian, ada harus belajar / perhati apa sebenarnya hati anda mahu sampaikan kepada anda... dan evaluate.. adakah diri anda yang bermasalah sebenarnya? adakah anda dilahirkan mempunyai sifat nak kan keadilan 100% tanpa ruang kompromi?

Kebaikan dengki
Dengki adalah minyak kepada api kemarahan. Marah adalah perasaan yang lhir apabila apa yang kita fikir patut terjadi, tidak terjadi.

Marah lazimnya dikaitkan dengan benda negetif. Namun hakikatnya marah memberikan tenaga perubahan.

Tenaga marah sekiranya disalurkan ke cara positif akan memberikan perubahan kebaikan dan vice versa.

Oleh itu sekiranya ada dengki terhadap seseorang... fikir adakah kelebihan yang anda dengki itu sesuatu yang
a) boleh anda capai
b) sesuatu yang boleh anda capai tapi tidak secara total
c) tidak dapat capai / minimum sahaja

sekiranya (a) usaha keras! baiki diri!
sekiranya (b) usaha keras! baiki diri!
sekiranya (c) terima hakikat. jangan sedih, rezeki anda mungkin ditempat lain... puji mereka...

jangan salurkan kearah kehancuran... sejerah membuktikan apabila dengki disalurkan ke negetif, ia mengajak ke arah kehancuran.. sudah berapa banyak tamadun munah kerana dengki? fikir2 kan



Dibawah adalah praktikal contoh dengki yg disalurkan kepada positif dan negetif.. dan juga yang tak dengki dan berhati mulia.

Marilah latih diri ke arah mulia.. iaitu memuji selepas seseorang beroleh kejayaan.. bukannya menzahirkan dengki... lama2 InsyaAllah perasaan dengki itu akan hilang.. :)

How to Become Rich, and 24 Other Insights from Warren Buffett

 Dan Dzombak / The Motley Fool

The investing legend shares the secrets to his success.

Warren Buffett is a true genius as he is able to simplify complex ideas into quotes that will stand the test of time. Warren Buffett spent his life dispensing advice to all who would listen, earning him the nickname of the Oracle of Omaha. In the 1960s, this advice came about twice a year in letters to investors in his investment partnerships. Starting a few years later, Warren Buffett’s wisdom was distilled through the Berkshire Hathaway annual meeting and the annual shareholder letter, and in the past 20 years, Warren Buffett has become a household name through appearances on TV and interviews in magazines.

Read on for Warren Buffett’s best quotes on life, investing, and his top five insights.

On life

1. “You only have to do a very few things right in your life so long as you don’t do too many things wrong.”

2. “Should you find yourself in a chronically leaking boat, energy devoted to changing vessels is likely to be a more productive than energy devoted to patching leaks.”

3. “It is not necessary to do extraordinary things to get extraordinary results.”

4. “What we learn from history is that people don’t learn from history.”

5. “Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.”

6. “There seems to be some perverse human characteristic that likes to make easy things difficult.”

7. “Nothing sedates rationality like large doses of effortless money.”

8. “It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you’ll do things differently.”

9. “It’s better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you’ll drift in that direction.”

10. “Long ago, Ben Graham taught me that ‘Price is what you pay; value is what you get.’ Whether we’re talking about socks or stocks, I like buying quality merchandise when it is marked down.”

On investing

1. “The most important quality for an investor is temperament, not intellect. You need a temperament that neither derives great pleasure from being with the crowd or against the crowd.”

2. “Successful Investing takes time, discipline and patience. No matter how great the talent or effort, some things just take time: You can’t produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.”

3. “I don’t look to jump over seven-foot bars; I look around for one-foot bars that I can step over.”

4. “In the short term, the market is a popularity contest. In the long term, the market is a weighing machine.”

5. “Opportunities come infrequently. When it rains gold, put out the bucket, not the thimble”

6. “Diversification is a protection against ignorance. It makes very little sense for those who know what they’re doing.”

7. “If you aren’t willing to own a stock for ten years, don’t even think about owning it for ten minutes. Put together a portfolio of companies whose aggregate earnings march upward over the years, and so also will the portfolio’s market value.”

8. “The key to investing is not assessing how much an industry is going to affect society, or how much it will grow, but rather determining the competitive advantage of any given company and, above all, the durability of that advantage.”

9. “I am a better investor because I am a businessman, and a better businessman because I am an investor.”

10. “It’s far better to buy a wonderful company at a fair price than a fair company at a wonderful price.”

Top five insights

Einstein said there are 5 ascending levels of intelligence: Smart, Intelligent, Brilliant, Genius, Simple. Warren Buffett’s top 5 insights each explain a truth about life or investing in the simplest way possible.

1. “I will tell you how to become rich. Close the doors. Be fearful when others are greedy. Be greedy when others are fearful.”

It is a gross oversimplification to say that the key to investing is to buy low and sell high. This quote from when Warren Buffett has been the basis of his most successful investments over time and the basis of how you could have avoided the last few bubbles.

2. “I tell college students, when you get to be my age you will be successful if the people who you hope to have love you, do love you.”

Warren Buffett has spent a lifetime studying conventionally successful people. It’s important to hear that at the end of the day, money is not the thing that matters most in life.

3. “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

Numerous greats including Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and Warren Buffett have attributed their success to focus. Many people have long to-do lists and work on becoming more productive, when in fact, having a not-do list is more important if you want to do great things.

4. “I’ve seen more people fail because of liquor and leverage — leverage being borrowed money. You really don’t need leverage in this world much. If you’re smart, you’re going to make a lot of money without borrowing.”

People succeed in life countless different ways but failures group around a few key themes. As such, you learn more from people’s failures than people’s successes.

5. “What an investor needs is the ability to correctly evaluate selected businesses. Note that word ‘selected’: You don’t have to be an expert on every company, or even many. You only have to be able to evaluate companies within your circle of competence. The size of that circle is not very important; knowing its boundaries, however, is vital.”

One of the quotes I hate the most in investing is Peter Lynch’s “Buy what you know” as it oversimplifies investing. The above quote is sort of the same idea but highlights that the important thing is being able to evaluate companies and also avoid companies you don’t understand. It’s that simple.

Warren Buffett is quoted so much because he has developed a great deal of wisdom over his lifetime. How did he do it?

The secret to Warren Buffett’s success

The secret to Warren Buffett’s success is that he continuously learns. Buffett is a far better investor today than he was 50 years ago. As Charlie Munger has explained:

    Warren Buffett has become one hell of a lot better investor since the day I met him, and so have I. If we had been frozen at any given stage, with the knowledge we had, the record would have been much worse than it is. So the game is to keep learning, and I don’t think people are going to keep learning who don’t like the learning process.

While you may pick up a nugget of wisdom or two from the 25 best Warren Buffett quotes, committing yourself to a lifetime of learning is the best advice you should take from Warren Buffett.

Dan Dzombak can be found on Twitter @DanDzombak, on his Facebook page DanDzombak, or on his blog where he writes about investing, happiness, life, and success. The Motley Fool recommends Berkshire Hathaway. The Motley Fool owns shares of Berkshire Hathaway. Try any of our Foolish newsletter services free for 30 days. We Fools may not all hold the same opinions, but we all believe that considering a diverse range of insights makes us better investors. The Motley Fool has a disclosure policy.

Jangan percaya nasihat orang berjaya + on marriage

Reason
1. they are the lucky ones.. compare dengan general population for bigger picture
2. marriage is not going to make you happier if you are depressed /have problems

because depressed people ada sebab buat diorang depressed -mcm MASALAH KEWANGAN, KELUARGA DAN SOCIAL, poor social skill malas berkawan, paranoid, malas nak enjoy dsb -> which reduce fun of marriage -> family turmoil -> lagi depressed

org yg hapy biasanya duit cukup, financially okay dan takde masalah dan anturally drawn to fun things -> morre happy

3. make your self happy beforre you make others (wife) happy

postive energy bring postive results

4. MARRIAGE IS NOT GOING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY, BUT GOOD RELATIONSHIP IS

5. Find someone who can understand what talkshare, share common goals, love you, and you comfortale with

6. marriage is long time commitment, make sure you are ready spirutally, skills, leadership, independent, commitment and financilly.. its going to be unpredicatable thus constant monitoring is a must

7. like job,
good family hygiene = you will not hate your marriage
to get good family hygiene, your marriage must able to fulfill  the basic needs (house, foods, clothe) = adequate money

without this, you wont think about having fun

once you get good familt hygiene, then head to love your marriage, you need to work on spending time together/good personlity/same hobby/adequate time

 so before you marry : prepare the basic needs and choose someone you love AND you think you can maintain relationship for long time (same way of thinking, personality you like, same hobby etc)

menyemai integriti

Intergriti... integriti bermaksud keselarasan di antara tindakan dengan prinsip moral, etika dan undang-undang; serta keselarasan di antara kepentingan diri dengan kepentingan umum.

Dalam masyarakat... intergriti lebih kepada korang tak buat sesuatu jenayah /salah guna kuas untuk kepentingan diri

Masalah sekarang... orang yang pandai.. makin pandai makin ‘terlebih pandai’.... kenapa mereka jadi begini ek? Dan macam mana nak halang benda ni dari terjadi (bagi yang x pernah corrupt) dan berhenti (bagi yang nak taubat)

RULE DIA MUDAH: JANGAN SESEKALI CUBA. 100% is more than 98%

Sekali cuba dah sedap...bila dah sedap... secara automatic otak akan ‘nak lagi’

Contoh, curi2 buka porno... mula2 setiap hujung minggu.. bila dah terbiasa 2/3 seminggu.. last2 tiap2 hari

Sama gak projek kerajaan.. mula2 songlap 1...dah sedap nak 2.. then 3...

Lama2 bila dah obvious.. kantoi.. baru fuck up baru sedar.. nape ek aku sanggup jadi macam ni?

COZ KORANG DAH TERBIASA.

Sebab itu in the first place... jangan cuba...

Koruption nih macam dadah gak... dia sedap tapi salah.. boleh ketagih

JADI JANGAN CUBA LANGSUNG in the first place

Koruption tu sedap tapi MARUAH DAN RASA BANGGA HORMAT DIRI MENGEKALKAN INTEGRITI LEBIH MANIS DAN BEST – KORANG DPT SPECIAL PLACE DALAM HATI TUHAN DAN MASYARAKAT DAN HIDUP PON AMAN

Orang korup mmg sedap time dapat duit... ada kereta mewah dsb.. tapi tenangkan mereka jika ada ticking bomb bila2 boleh kantoi??

KALAU ADA ORANG KATA KORANG BODOH SEBAB TAK AMBIK DUIT RASUAH 1K... KATA KAT MEREKA.. LAGI BODOH JUAL NAMA PADA HARGA 1K... DAN DAPAT 1K, NAMA BURUK, HATI TAK AMAN, DICEMUH MASYARAKAT DSB

- - - --  - -


KENAPA ADA BERLAGA ALIM LUARAN, KAT RUMAH TGK PRONO, MENIPU, KAKI PUKUL BINI DSB

heboh satu FB bila bekas bini guitarist reveal yg suaminya post saja kat fb ajak solat.. tapi sebenarnya past post pi tidoq.. x solat pon

kenapa begini

REASON 1 : coz dalam kepala otaknya

dpriority dia adalah MENDAPAT KEPUJIAN MASYARAKAT

dan agama digunakan sebagai kenderaan untuk mendapatkan itu

Mendapatkan iman dsb tuh bukan sebanrnya prioriti dia

so bila ngan masyarakt luar.... tuh nampak baik....

orang gini selalunya bekas2 org yang pernah dibenci / decemuh mesyarakt... so as u all know kita ni social animal... dan x leh hidup sorang2... dan siorang ni dulu extreme ditolk masyarakt... jadi mereka terpaksa menjadi 'extreme' baik berlakon dpn masyarakat sebab diorang extremely need to be diterima mayarakat

ya hati masih setan.

TETAPI HARUS DIINGATKAN Berlakon2 atau terpaksa buat baik adalah first step untuk menujuk ke arah kebaikan.. dan jika tujuanya benar2 kerana tuhan... JANGAN RISAU, MUNGKIN AKAN JADI BAIK

Cuma kalo aim tu tertumpu pada nak aproval masyarakat dan bukannya tuhan itu sendiiri... jangan terkejut disebalik takbir perangai sialan....sebab what matters to him is masyarakat.. bukannya diri dan tuhan


REASON 2 : TAK TAHAN...OTAK TAK DEVELOP

AIM NAK DAPATKANKEREDHAAN TAPI STILL TGK PORNO / MAKSIAT WALAU RASA BERSALAH

masa remaja mmg sukar nak control nafsu sebab frontal cortex tak develop lagi... so sometime even if ur aim nak dapat keredehaan... sometimes otak frontal cortext tak leh suppress ur limbic system

orang mcm ni
1. try ur best.. remember 100% sis better than 98%
2. taubat cepat2.. dan fikir cara2 nak elak dan improve... yes it will improve as u get older coz forntal cortex makin mature.. tapi bila korang paksa diri jagan buat.. lagi cepat frontal cortext to develop... dan korang dapat resilence.. dan dapat control perasaan2 lain jugak.. dan boost self esteeem

memastikan anak tak jadi sial bila besar nanti

Mak bapak semua akan risau bila anak dilepaskan / dibesarkan

Coz apabila mereka di lepaskan kea lam reality, macam-macam akan terjadi

Anak yang baik boleh jadi rosak, contoh... terjebak ke dalam maksiat dan dadah

So macam mana nak pastikan mereka tak jadi sial di kemudian hari?

No 1 : hakikatnya, anda tak boleh dapat full control 100%

Yes, everyone can fuck up termasuk anak anda.. they can be assholes.

So kalau anak anda gagal, bukan kerana anak anda asshole, mmg mereka sendriri assholes. Jangan salahkan sangat diri anda

No 2: Family culture adalah the best thing to make sure anak anda tak buat perangai

Culture : perangai kolektif sesebuah unit masyarkat

Family culture : perangai kolektif sesebuah keluarga

Cuba kita observe, sesetangah keluarga kalo, kurang hajar.. satu keluarga jenis kurang hajar

Kalo jenis happy tak kisah halal haram... semua anak beranak pon gitu

Kalo jenis wat hal sendri.. satu keluarga mcm tu....

So untuk memastikan anak anda tak buat perangai baik.. kene semaikan culture yang baik ke dalam mereka

Itu dengan menyemai culture yang baik dalam keluarga anda

Dan bermakna anda dan isteri kena ada culture yang baik

DAN JANGAN CAKAP SAHAJA

Budak ni tuhan cipta automatic dia boleh copy parents thoughts, reaction etc tanpa perlu diajar secara direct... diorang akan observe parents reactions etc  dan secara tak langsung menjadi sebahagian dari mereka

So andaikata korang kata “merokok tak baik” tapi anda merokok... anda telah mengajar “boleh tipu budak, orang dewasa boleh menipu, kita boleh menipu” kepada anak anda

JADI ANDA TU KENA BETOL DAHULU

Apabila culture yang baik telah dididik ke dalam anak anda... bila dah besar... benda ni mengeras dalam kepala otak mereka... dan apabila mereka menghadapi situasi seperti “kawan ajak gi disko / sex / minum arak dsb” VERY MOST LIKELY automatic mereka akan reject.

Conclusion : family culture bertindak sebagai auto pilot dalam kehidupan anda dan anak anda... thus ini sahaja yang maximum dapat memastikan anak anda tak buat perangai later bila dilepaskan ke alam dewasa

Kenapa anak2 jadi aimless atau rasa aimless walaupon dah ada degree, didikan agama yang cukup, duit dah cukup dsb?

Kenapa anak2 jadi aimless atau rasa aimless walaupon dah ada degree, didikan agama yang cukup, duit dah cukup dsb?

Sebab paling mudah : aim tu tak diletakkan terlebih dahulu

********************

Degree, didikan agama, pendidikan, kem bina semangat, kem sukan, kelas gitar, kelas saham, kelas perniagaan  = adalah RESOURCES

AIM DAN PRIORITIES  = apa yang korang nak sebenarnya

Dan tanggungjawab ibubapa atau diri korang sendiri… fikir apa yang patut jadi aim dan priorities anda

Dan ditengah2 resources dan aim priorities adalah PROCESS

Jadi flow adalah   RESOURCES -> PROCESS -> AIM AND PRIORITIES

Contoh :

1    Silap 1. Dah ada aim, tapi lack or wrong resources (parents yang demanding)

Anak anda punya aim adalah untuk menjadi ahli perniagaan.

 Tapi anda dok plak suruh pi kelas main sukan, kelas menari, kelas bina semangat, masuk medical school dsb. Yer niat anda mungkin baik untuk memberikan segala experience kepada anak anda.. seperti leadership dsb… tetapi adakah dia perlukan experience in terlalu banyak atau perlukah dia resources tersebut?

Anak anda cuma perlu 

• 1.       experience yang sekadar cukup (contoh leadership yang cukup buat orang senang kerja dgn dia, tak perlu sampai nak jadi legendary leader)…
• 2.       lebih perlu banyak experience  yang diperlukan seperti kelas markering, kelas advertising, hands on direct selling dsb = SEBAB ITU AIM DIA dan dia perlukan resources tersebut

sekrianya anda flood anak anda dengan resources yang tak berkaitan dengan aim dia.. lama kelamaan anak anda jadi aimless sebab dia dah tak mampu mencapai aim dia

*Aim tak semestinya benda yang tangible/legendary mcm straight A, no 1 dsb

Boleh ja jadi sesimple pas exam bagi yang asyik gagal dalam exam.. nak jadi manusia yang sekadar baik (tak perlu jadi ustaz) dsb

**Adakah budak yang dapat no 1 lebih bahagia daripada budak buda yang slalu gagal now sekad pass semua exam? Tidak diketahui… mungkin budak no 1 stress giler sebab kena study dan takut jadi no2,3 dsb… point is.. walau dia dapat no1, tak semestinya itu aim dia atau itu yang memberikan dia kebahagiaan

2)silap 2 : banyak resource, tapi takda aim (paling common)

kelas agama dah gi, kelas gym dah gi, kelas swimming dah gi, kelas melukis dah gi, kelas sukan dah gi..

tapi kalo tak disuruh pi… dok rumah je termenung = ditafsirkan sebagai pemalas

hal ini sebab korang tak pupuk atau tanya.. apa anak korang nak sebenarnya

kalau korang terfikir “untuk apa tujuan aku hidup ni? Apa aku nak buat dengan masa ni?” – so basically korang sebanarnya takde aim jugak

bila dia takde AIM, percayalah beribu RESOURCES pon.. anak anda takkan buat apa2 dengan RESOURCES tersebut sebab dia mungkin tak perlukan resources tersebt.. bila tak buat apa2, bermakna tiada PROCESS

JADI.. apa yang patut buat dgn anak cenggini?

1.       Bila anak dah ada akal, tanya anak anda apa yang dia sendiri nak

2.       Sekiranya dia tak  dapat jawab… bagi contoh.. dan pastikan contoh tuh dia rasakan berbaloi.. seperti dihormati masyarakat, dilihat berjaya dsb

*general rule – human ni social animal.. apa2 aim nak jadi guitarist kea pa boleh tapi pastikan at the end ada good human value and social relationship

3.       Sekiranya dia tak dapat jawab jugak.. pupuk supaya dia dapat menjawab soalan itu satu hari lagi.. dan ini dibuat secara indirect.. iaitu dengan memupuk self esteem.. iaitu aku percaya aku dapat menyelesaikan sesuatu tanpa ditolong orang…

as he/she grow older.. dia akan develop own perception towards life… dan akan develop aim sendiri…. Dan jika dia ada self esteem.. dia akan terus berusaha untuk mencapai aim.. Aim juga haruslah (1) memberikan rasa gembira (2) membuatkan dia rasa ada commitment (3) dapat dikira seperti bilangan org yg telah ditolong dsb.. matrek tersendiri

jika takda self esteem.. ada aim pon tak jadi apa2 (SELF ESTEEM is part of PROCESS)

So camne nak develop self esteem

Bersesuaian dengan umur.. suruh dia buat satu task yang agak difficult bagi umur dia (tapi accomplishable) .. walaupon tak cantik.. ingat it is not about becoming a legend.. it is about accomplishment… dan accomplishment does not necessarily mean become legend.. dan puji (tapi jangan puji lebih2)

Contoh : jahitan simple pakaian terkoyak… daki bukit… berenang bagi yang tak berani berenang dsb

AIM kita nak implant dalam otak mereka : “I can do it by myself”… tapi x overdose sampai dikatakan gila/berbahaya sampai not worth it.. orang terlajak confident.. proble gak ni... takde cut point mana yg dikatakan terlajak / okay... based on your judgeemnt

So conclusion

1.       Budak mmg takde aim.. aim develop perlahan2.. take years

2.       boleh kasi RESOURCES tapi along the way, kena check AIM dia (dah ada ke tak, atau perlu pupuk lagi) dan latter counter check is this resources he really needs.

if aim ada tapi resource tak cukup… cari jalan supaya dia dapat resource tersebut

3.       Bila resources cukup.. dan aim ada… tengok dia ada tak self esteem untuk menjalankan PROCESS… kalau takda kene wat something…

nasihat paling senang “try saja, bukan matipon kalau gagal” (tapi make sure risk have been calculated too)

4.       So bila AIM/PRIORITIES ada… APPROPRIATER RESOUCES ada… SELF ESTEEM ada.. baru ada PROCESS.. dan process nil ah yang memberi perasaan “I am doing something with my life”

NOTA TAMBAHAN

Silap 3: tersalah interprate aim

Ha.. ni pon bahaya gak.. sebab dia buat korang confuse.. salah gunakan /dapatkan resources.. dan lama2 jadi aimless

Contoh : Aku nak hidup senang. Aku tengok orang hidup senang banyak duit… jadi aku perlu banyak duit

Aim yang terfikir “aku nak banyak duit sebab aku nak hidup senang”

Now AIM korang berpindah dari “Hidup Senang” kepada “Banyak Duit”

Jadi korang pon buat kerja banyak2.. cut masa bercuti dsb atau tak bercuti dsb… (which is hidup semakin susah)

So apa yang korang aim contradict dengan apa korang buat.. bila nih jadi.. korang rasa sedang mengejar aim.. tapi during process… korang feel aimless

*Tidak ada sempadan jelas “hidup senang” dengan “kuantiti duit”. Ada org gaji 1K hati senag.. ada yang 10K baru senang… So kindly review your AIM dan make sure AIM itu tak contradict to each other.. dan fikir which is the limit.. and whether it is realistically achievable