Searching calmness in life -thoughts 1

I realized that in order to attained calmness in life you need
1) purpose in life- understanding what you are doing
2) safe and basic needs met
3) understand and tackle childhood trauma
4) reject false idols/believe and be yourself/follow truth
5) love and belonging - by significant loved ones and neutral or liked (not excessively) to strangers
6) bad people exist, and sadly, only few good ones exist

Purpose in life

People who understand how understand what he is doing, do it calmly

Example : an expert doctor. whatever problems with the patient, he calmly do the necessary steps without panic. not like junior doctors who become anxious when they dont know what the diagnosis and what they should do.

So same as life.

You need purpose in life.

And this purpose, guides you what you do everyday.

This purpose should
1. will not decay / waste when you die
2. not bound to happiness (as this might be impossible to some people like quadriplegic people / people fighting stage 4 cancer)
3. not bound to age/ energy -  valid even if u r teenager, adult or old man
4. not bound beauty - as beauty decays
5. not bound to other people / impress other people
6. not bound to wealth - can be practices when you are poor
7. not bound to feelings - it is must be something solid, does not change based on your emotion state

Some people achieve this by religion, some by experience / personal believe etc

Safe and basic needs met

You need to live, thus you need safe place to live, eat, drink

Understand and tackle childhood trauma


I realized that what you preoccupied most during childhood or teenagers, will be carry on until you are an adult and sometimes you do the extreme. (we are talking about extreme compensation and constant show off)

Example. A kid/teen that is not fat nor thin... when they grow older, unlikely give a damn about their body shape.... a fat kid who feel pressurized.. went to gym.. attained a body builder body will constantly show off media social with his body shape
same as poor kids.. if they have been teased and when they grow older and has the opportunity to get rich, they feel pressurized to get more and more and show off

question is.. if they feel calm... do you need to show off to strangers? normal people are not comfortable to share their private life in social media. so when these compensate their traumatic childhood in extreme ways...and preoccuppied to show off.. it shows they are not calm.

example of traumatic childhood event and compensation
poor... show off richness
bad social academic.... wanted to go further2 study (and feel pressurized by it)
ugly... extreme make up and surgery and show off / pornography addiction
social rejection / bullied.... bully subordinates / bad mouth other people / use of vulgar words / domestic violence / shows he/she soooo happy/ molesting-sexual harassment
not fit... show off six pack/body etc (compensating power)


so in order to tackle this-> aim normal (normal is good) and beyond that, it just bonus and dont do something beyong that expecting for other people to worship you (coz this later will give u pressure to maintain it). do becoz u like it.
aim normal as it is social acceptance as it social standard.

Reject false idols/believe and be yourself/follow truth

I have a friend, he, same as me, a degree holder. our wages is upper middle class.

however, he is not calm because he is 'just' a degree holder, where I feel okay with it.

he dont want to attain master (as it is hard and it is not what he wants) but he feels the need to do it because his that told him 'if u dont have a master, you are failure'. and noticed that his father always give advice like if you are not no1, you going to fail in life etc (catastrophing) since chilhood

despite knowing his father is false,despite he is living okay with his wages, he refused to accept that he can be successful just with just a degree....he is now reading books, memorizing stuff for his father.. not for himself... and feel not calm

u see, when we are kids, we are vulnarable to lots of ideas... sometimes we are implanted with wrong ones..so as we grow older, dont be afraid to reject those ideas, be yourself and follow truth

THEY ASK ME TO LISTEN TO OLD PEOPLE
BUT PROBLEM IS,
STUPID PEOPLE GROW OLD TOO

We also bombared with 'false idols' like rockstarts etc... yes in 30 minutes show they may seem happy and succesful... but do they really feel that way? I mean you just see 30 minutes... a very small portion of it... and if they are happy and calm, why do they need alcohol and drugs to calm them down? some even commit suicide, why? and why do they need to sell their body in movies if they feel comfortable with their private lives - why the attention and why you are selling your body for money?

Yes they may be happy than you about 10% etc...but this you cant exactly know how much, so stop thinking about it. they may even has worse problem than you. Believe me, i have seen it.


Love and belonging

An 8 months old baby only feel happy with very few people he/she sees frequently and treat him/her in a good way.. when give to other people, he/she will has stranger anxiety

it shows that by default : we dont give a damn about others, we only give a damn about our close ones

so when someone tries to go beyond... abandoning family members / society and go to some stranger society... it shows they actually dont feel belong and may be feel rejected...

if u are from bad society jumping to a good one = good
if u are from good society jumping to  a better one = good
if u are from bad/good society jumping to a weirder/destructive society = you are doomed and it shows you are desperate for belonging. a wrecked heart wants destruction and this is how terrorist identify people to be recruit

rule :
1) you only need few quality people that love and support you unconditionally, accept your weakness and enjoy to be with you
2) you don't need 'fans'. neutral to other people is the best, so you dont feel uncomfortable being watched and gossip about.
3) you need a fair amount of good friends

bad people exist, and sadly, only few good ones exist

there are a lot of group of people, some clearly define themselves some not... and they flock together

lazy people will mix with lazy people
alcoholic will mix with alcoholic
average iq people mix with average iq people etc

1) most people are okay/acceptable
2) some people are bad - sadist, psychopath etc- thus learn to make you safe and avoid them and their place
3) but only few ones can bring you to higher success in life / guide you (or help each other) to become a better person everyday.. choose this small group of people